Things You'll Never See In Naruto
by Curly Says Go
Summary: The title pretty much sums it up. WARNING: all your favorite characters are about to be made fun of.
1. Scene 1

Gaara is sitting on the ground, reading a magazine entitled "The Desert: Nothin' But Dirt…" He farts.

"What the hell is that?" he says.

He looks around for a minute. He then shrugs it off and continues reading.

Meanwhile, Shino has just smelt the most vile thing in his life, and is about to die of cerebral hemmoraging.

* * *

Author's notes: ARGH! X( I hate my computer! Every time I want to type a story it gets jumpy and I have to shut it down. Well, please enjoy my series of short but funny (hopefully) scenes. 


	2. Scene 2

Jiraiya is staring down a telescope making vulgar remarks such as, "Oh, Baby! I love it when you do that!"

Naruto is standing behind him. He looks disgusted at what he sees.

Jiraiya puts down his telescope and walks away for a moment, unaware of Naruto's presence. Naruto, out of curiosity, looks down the telescope. He sees Ebisu, naked, in the shower.

Naruto vomits.

* * *

Author's notes: I hope you like my scenes so far... :) 


	3. Scene 3

Sasuke is on one of those shows in which you explain all your hidden secrets for the public's entertainment.

The host asks Sasuke, "So why do you hate your brother?"

"Because he is evil and wants to take over the world," replies Sasuke.

"Where is he now?" asks the host.

"I don't know…"

"Well we have a surprise for you…Bring him out!"

And at that point Itachi walks out on stage. The audience gasps. Sasuke is surprised to say the least.

"What the beep are you doing here?!" asks Sasuke.

"Well…" starts Itachi, but then he is cut off by another person that walks onto the stage.

"Hi, Sasuke!" says Kisame.

"What the beep?!" says Sasuke.

"Well, you see Sasuke, we're married!" says Itachi.

"NOOOO!" says Sasuke.

Sasuke wakes up from this horrible nightmare. He is _very_ relieved.

Sasuke suddenly hears something from outside his bedroom.

"Oh, Kisame…You're so rough," says Itachi.

"NOOOO!"

Sasuke wakes up again from this horrible nightmare.

"Thank God that's over…" he says to himself.

"Thank God what's over, Honey?" says Kisame, in the bed next to him.

"NOOOO!"

* * *

Author's notes: Thank goodness _that _dream is over... : 


	4. Scene 4

Shino is working at a fast food restaurant. He has drive-thru duty.

Hinata pulls in next to the microphone to state her order.

"Hello. How may I help you?" asks Shino through a speaker.

"_Mmmmhhhmmmm…_"

"Uh, excuse me miss, I didn't catch that…"

"_Mmmmhhhhmmm the pickles ahhhhnmmm and the fries and the mmmhnn and the shake and the pickles…_"

"Uh…What?"

"_Mmmmmmmhhhhmmmm and a large shake ahhhhhhnmmmmm and a large shake, and the pickles…_"

"…"

"_Ahhhhhhhmmmmm and a shake, and the pickles, and a shake, and the pickles, AND THE PICKLES, **AND THE PICKLES**..._"

"Do you want…pickles?"

"_Chicken tenders, with sweet n' sour sauce all over my body…" _

"Get her some sweet n' sour sauce now! She wants to have it her way!"screams Shino to the employees.


	5. Scene 5

Rock Lee is wandering around Konoha.

"I'm hungry," he states.

Having no cash on him, he has another clever way to get food.

He removes one of his eyebrows and squeezes it. Out pops candy.

"Yay! Candy!" he exclaims with glee.

He puts his eyebrow back on and continues with the day…

* * *

Author's notes: OMG!... 


	6. Scene 6

Shino can't sleep. His father once again he has no concern for his son's happiness by saying things like, "Oh, baby!" loudly.

"Well, at least mom is quiet while on the, er, job," says Shino to himself.

A couple of minutes later, Shino can't stand it anymore. He bursts out the bedroom door and into the kitchen.

"Hey! I'm trying to get some sle-"

In the kitchen he finds his father…with a terribly mutilated cherry pie.

Shino runs back into his room before he is the next victim.

"Oh my god…" says Shino as he tries to hold down the vomit.

* * *

Author's notes: EWWW! 


	7. Scene 7

It was the beginning of April, and you know what that means…April Fools!

Itachi wanted to play a trick on Kisame. It took him a couple if hours to find what he was looking for but it was going to be worth it in the end.

Itachi snuck into Kisame's room and took his sword. He replaced it with another thing that looked exactly like the sword he just stolen.

…..

On April Fools Day, Kisame and Itachi had the unfortunate event of a battle with Kakashi.

"I can get him," said a confident Kisame as he pulled out his "sword".

"Wait! Don't!" said Itachi. His words came late.

Kisame removed the wraps from his sword.

"What the…" said Kisame, confused.

His "sword" was a giant, prickly pinecone. This is not a metaphor. Itachi climbed the largest tree in the area and replaced Kisame's sword with a huge pinecone.

"Itachi," said Kisame with rising anger, "what did you do to my precious sword?"

"Um…April Fools?" This was all Itachi could say before Kakashi started laughing.


End file.
